Many of us take rejection poorly: rejection by a lover, friend, employer or by any other. Why is that? In my experiences, it is because rejection translates into, “Something is inherently wrong with me, my opinions or my work, and therefore, I am not good enough.”
I often took rejection poorly, because I put more value in the person or entity that rejected me-more value than I put on myself. I was a people-pleaser, lacking confidence of my own, and wanted people to accept me. I felt that something was inherently wrong with me-that I wasn’t perfect enough to be wanted or received. Sometimes, that may have been true for those observing me-an ex-lover, co-worker, friend or family member. I viewed rejection as a permanent obstacle, and would either give up or go to desperate measures with dire consequences to get the desired goal, whether it be a person, object or situation.
In painfully examining myself after rejection, I now see that rejection is often a useful tool to affirm that a harmonious relationship is not possible. Other times, I see that rejection allows me to refine myself, ideas or projects and try again or elsewhere. Or, perhaps rejection is an indication that something is not quite right, to help me to ‘wake up and smell the double espresso.’ I am finally learning to see the wisdom in rejection, rather than hurt and/or shame.
Rejection helped me to understand that I cannot control every one of life’s circumstances, as much as my upbringing made me feel that control was possible. Rejection has helped me to embrace change as inevitable, and become alchemical, taking advantage of the quantum world-that an infinite amount of possibilities exists in any moment.
How one handles rejection is often indicative of the beliefs one holds. Often, a belief of pleasing others or being perfect, or feelings of abandonment provide a solid foundation for feeling unworthy, unlovable or unacceptable. Feelings of rejection are likely deeply seeded from developmental years. It could be due to feelings of abandonment, neglect, guilt, shame, embarrassment, not being loved or accepted, or viewed as imperfect or ‘wrong’. If we see how our families, peers and environments shaped our internal views, we can also understand that these conditionings are not true, but a perspective.
Imagine if you could feel that rejection is a good thing, a wake-up call, or possess a mature understanding that balance could not be achieved. Believe in you and your higher power. Walk your path with courage fearlessly, and never doubt your self-worth. Sometimes, we need to feel rejection by the others to fully embrace ourselves, our journeys and our accomplishments unconditionally. You are your best ally. Don’t reject yourself!
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