I once heard that an expectation is a disappointment waiting to happen. And in my experience, this proves to be true more than I prefer. For example, if I expect the weather to be good for a day at the beach, and it doesn’t happen, I get disappointed. I expect to receive a note or word of thanks when I extend myself to another, offering resources, information or gifts, yet when I don’t, I am disappointed, because it signals to me that my efforts or gifts are not valued. I expected that the man I was in love with once was available, because that’s how he presented himself to be, but when I found out he was not, I expected him to be contrite and ask forgiveness, but he didn’t, making me angry and then-some.
As such, I have come to realize the value of the statement, that expectations are disappointments waiting to happen. One evening, my friend, Bryan asked me if I were ‘high-maintenance’. I replied, ‘No, I am not. I have high expectations though.’ Bryan responded, ‘That’s worse. The world is an imperfect place, Karen. The world is an imperfect place.’ His words rang in my ears for days, then months, now years. His words seeped deep into my psyche because they represented the complete opposite of what I had been raised to be, which was near-perfect. My parents had high expectations of me, and if I did not meet them, it was just not acceptable, and their disappointment, disapproval, anger or frustration was clearly expressed, which motivated me to do what they ‘expected’ of me. I rebelled for a time, but it was a no-win situation, because the punishment was stronger than the expectation itself, and I relented in trying to ignore or overlook their expectations of me.
Because I had been conditioned with expectations of doing the ‘right’ thing, or ‘being perfect’ or ‘precise’, I treated others in this same way. Until, Bryan’s words and my experiences melded together and mutated into a very big life lesson. Giving up expectations is one of the hardest things to do, but when it is done, it is one of the most liberating experiences ever. I don’t think it’s humanly possible to extract all expectations from one’s personality, however, if they are minimized, then so is the pain, anger and disappointment of not getting what you expected. It also puts some of the burden back on myself to take full responsibility to create my own well-being and happiness. I cannot expect another to do it for me, especially as I am very capable. Instead of ‘expecting’ things from myself, I create now. I tap into my potential and do what I can do to create an experience for myself that fulfills and sustains me, which sometimes requires resolution or compromised-based thinking. If I meet with challenges and obstacles along the way, I try not to put any expectations into removing them, but I fill myself with the work of overcoming them, the best I know how. After all, the word is an imperfect place, and in this acceptance, I diminish expectations and embrace my power to create, which thereby increases my inner happiness and peace.
What expectations, big or small, can you work on letting go of today? Please share!
